The First Time You Lose a Friend

Making friends in college is an interesting experience. For me, it generally went like this: meet new person, find things in common with new person, spend probably way too much time with new person, have a new BFF.

Honestly, I like the way this works. In college, time feels warped and you’re kind of living in a bubble and it’s so easy to make new friends and become close with people instantly. The only downside is that sometimes you don’t know people as well as you thought you did.

The first time you lose a friend because of, let’s face it, one of a million reasons, is not easy. Whether they lied to you, you lied to them, they transferred, or someone just lost interest, it’s hard and it hurts. I’ve found that friends will come and go, and that’s something I’ve tried not to get too hung up on. The first time I had a friend transfer was incredibly hard. The first time a friend lost interest in me hurt my ego more than I’d like to admit. But the first time I lost someone I considered a best friend due to them betraying me was pretty different. A lot of dramatic, and quite honestly shitty, things happened and we’re no longer friends. Every situation is different, but it’s especially hard when it’s not only you involved. This friend lied to me and our two other closest friends, and betrayed one of our friends in a way that I don’t think she’ll ever forgive. It’s hard for me to just cut people out of my life. I miss her, and I wish all of this never happened because she was always a great friend to me.

This is where it gets hard. Do you forgive them? Do you never talk to them again? Do you pretend like your friendship never happened? All of these questions are in my head, and I wish I had a solid answer. I’m not one to hold onto hate, and in my heart I’ve forgiven her. But when someone turns out to be completely different than you thought, can you really ever forget?

People hurting you will happen throughout life and that’s just a fact. How you react to these situations is what’s more important. I don’t believe in holding grudges. I believe people deserve a second chance. But I also know what I deserve in a friend, and don’t sell myself short. It’s hard to navigate these kinds of problems, because generally your head is telling you one thing and your heart is telling you another. My advice: know what you deserve. Know what your values are, know what’s important to you. If you do, it’ll make figuring out these kinds of situations much easier. Losing a friend will always hurt, but you know what they say: “time heals all wounds” and I hope they’re right.

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